I woke up composing this entry this morning, and although that was 12 hours ago and I know it's not going to be at all like it started this morning, the fact that I've been thinking about it that long probably means it really needs to be written.
I need a new job. I know you're thinking "Already? But didn't you just start this job and think it was the best thing ever?" The answer is yes to both questions. I guess it just goes to show you don't know what you're in for, or what you like, until you try it. But I now know I don't like this.
I'm not used to having to meet numbers, and I've never had a job that requires me to sit for hours on end. I'm used to planning and executing things, moving around, being proactive and interacting face to face with customers. The desire to call in for work today started at 10pm last night - but I made it though all 8 hours (but just barely). The pull to leave early each day weighs on me and while I want more than anything to follow in the steps of one of my coworkers who just hasn't shown up for work in the last week, I just don't have it in me. My parents both have strong work ethics and (luckily) I inherited that trait.
Although he got up every day and kept plugging away at it, my dad hated his job and beginning probably as soon as I have memories I remember him telling me to get a job I liked. That has become my mantra and, as a result, it might make it seem like I'm being a princess about my job(s). But really, the thought of being roped into a work experience just for the benefits terrifies me. I saw a lot of things in my dad after he retired that I never saw in him as a working adult and I don't want it to take 35 or 40 years of working for me to enjoy the majority of my waking hours. I want to be fulfilled and make a difference and feel good about getting up in the morning.
I currently don't feel that.
So, starting tomorrow I'm updating that resume and I'm putting out feelers for something relating to my degree. And I'm going to try my hardest not to be afraid of getting to start over somewhere new (because chances of me finding anything in my small hometown are shrinking more as time goes on). Em and I talked about it last night and agreed that it never hurts to try and see where things go. Wish me luck!