Today I'm worrying about a small two word phrase: being single.
Maybe worried isn't exactly the most accurate term. I don't know the most accurate term.
Some of you may know a bit about this part of my life but some of you may not. I've been single for over four years now. I use the word single to mean I haven't been committed to seeing just one particular person. I've gone out with guys but I won't consider any of them to be dates.
I struggle fairly frequently in my decision to remain single (and it is that, a decision), especially when wedding season roles around and you're on the guest list of people younger than you. I recognize life is not a contest and comparison normally gets you nowhere good, but it's inevitable most of the time. We're human.
I realized some time ago that I was tired of playing the dating game. I was tired of guessing and playing games, tired of trying to make sure a guy saw me in the best light so he would "fall in love with me." Habits aren't broken over night and I'll admit that a fair amount of my life (thought life included) revolves around guys - after all I am female - but now it is considerably less so than four years ago.
Society places a lot of pressure on teens and twentysomethings these days to be attached. How do you figure out who you if you are attached to another person? I don't mean in genuine relationship with people but in the context of a physical and emotional relationship with one other main person. I read a blog last night written a while ago about the movie Bridesmaids. Out of all the words and sentences, one in particular stuck out to me:
Singleness continues to be seen both outside and inside the church as a waystation, a stopping point between college and marriage on the path toward real adulthood and happiness. (Read the full blog post here)
How often have I felt that way? That I'm not a true adult till I'm married, or that I can't be fully happy until I find that someone else to share life with?